Last month, I was in the Berlin Hauptbahnhof waiting for my train to Dresden, a city who’s tourism has suffered lately because of Pegida protests. But that’s another matter.  I was happily on my way to babysit my friend’s son, who’s just the cutest. As I was walking through the station to get to my platform, I stopped off to grab a snack for the ride. There were many panhandlers in the station, including a woman who was walking toward me as I walked to the snack stand. She said something that I didn’t understand.  She then shook a cup at me. I shook my head and put my hands up to indicate that I didn’t have any change. At least, not yet.  She then proceeded to stand at the counter and stare at me as I was making my purchase. She then shoved her cup out at me when I received my change. Normally, I cheerfully give out change or food if I have it. I hate to see people in need. But, this woman’s aggressiveness annoyed me to no end.  In any case, I ended up giving her a couple of euros and we both went our ways.

I finally made my way down to the bottom of the train station to my platform and proceeded to wait.  As we were waiting, I looked around at the other passengers, wondering about who they were and where they were going.  I always like to do this while traveling. While looking, I noticed there weren’t very many people of color (trust me, it’s important to my story). In fact almost no one, save myself and maybe two others, varied from the generally homogeneous population on their way to Dresden via the EC 177 to Prague. During my wondering, I spotted another panhandler making his way along the platform, asking people “kleine Spende, bitte.” “A little donation, please.” I had my hand on the last two euro coin in my pocket, ready to give it to him as he came my way.  Instead, he barely looked my way, passed by, and continued asking other people for a little donation, auf Deutsch.

This simple act of him passing me by and his thinking, for whatever reason, that I didn’t speak German, or I looked like I wouldn’t give him change made me think back on my travels across the states and to destinations abroad as woman of color. Not having the advantage of anonymity or being able to blend in with most of the population around you, I can recall coming face to face with a few funny, and sometimes quite awful assumptions. For example, during a trip to Russia I was constantly stared at.  It was understandable. And even though I was there participating in an opera program, I was repeatedly asked if I was a gospel singer.

Although not widely known, in many parts of the world, black women are only seen as prostitutes and highly sexualized women.  It is a very sad reality and I invite you to take a moment and do a simple internet search. You will be shocked at some of the stories.  I’ve also faced this assumption here in Germany when I first arrived and excitedly hailed a taxi to make my first trip to Ikea for my new flat in Berlin. Although I tried to speak German (trying to work against the notion that Americans don’t speak other languages), he insisted upon speaking English. During the ride, he asked me how long I’d been in Berlin (1 month), and was my family with me (no), and why I came to Germany (for work). After I answered that I had come for work, the conversation lulled a bit and we continued along the A100.  After a few moments he pointed to the left and said “you can maybe work there.”  I looked over at a placed with a sign in big red letters that said Artemis. I had no idea what it was, but it looked shady enough. I looked at him quizzically. “Yes? It’s a good place. Go there.”  I quickly clarified that I already had a job for which I relocated and didn’t need to look for work. After my trip home from Ikea, I did a search and discovered that Artemis is a famous brothel. I was hurt, but not surprised.

We all make judgments and assume things about people based on a 2 second assessment, which usually means nothing. How many times do we assume that just because someone drives a luxury car that they’re rich, or because a person is from a certain country they must believe the same ideals as their political leaders, or that because someone is beautiful they’re automatically a good person, or more relevantly, that because one is a member of a certain religion that they’re bad? It is understandable that we, as human beings living in a very big universe, need to categorize information and make certain   assumptions based on patterns to be able to live efficiently.  In fact, our brains do this automatically as it’s constantly flooded with information and stimuli.  But, have we not all learned that people are rarely, if ever, only what we see upon first sight?

And while in no way do I feel like I’m an ambassador to break down certain stereotypes about women of color or Americans, I absolutely do love making people smile in disbelief that I can make my way through another language, or that I am an opera singer, and that I am big woman who does enjoy exercise, and that I do care about world events.

I try to challenge assumptions and remind myself to also challenge my own assumptions about others.  We cannot underestimate the magic that is another human being.  We are surprising, complex, and always deserve another look.